I believe I've mentioned this book before, but I am reading the book Sex God by Rob Bell, and it is fantastic. I recently read the chapter titled "Under the Chuppah."
A chuppah is something used in Jewish weddings, I believe it is used for more but I am no expert. Anyway, when two people are married they stand under the chuppah. In the Bible the chuppah is also a prayer cloth or something to that effect, which symbolizes being under God or connected to God - something along those lines. The chuppah is used in a marriage ceremony to signify the union of these two people under God and with God.
Once these people were married, in the old times, they were whisked off to their room to consecrate their marriage. During this time people would wait outside until they were done - and once they were, a celebration would ensue, for days on end. Sex was something that came with marriage.
Rob then gets into the passages pertaining to men marring women whom they've slept with. There are two, very controversial passages here, one which states that if a man sleeps with a woman promised to someone else he must marry her and pay the bride price for her. Another states that if a man rapes a virgin he must pay her bride price and marry her as well. This is why I love this book, because he then explains these passages. Maybe not the way every other pastor would but in a way that I could understand, because those were hard for me to read when I came to that part in the Bible.
Anyway, during that period in history women had no value. If a man wanted to rape a woman he could, with no consequences, leaving this woman "dirty" or unfit for marriage as they saw her. She was no longer wanted as a wife because someone had slept with her. And by sleeping with a woman promised to someone else, he could walk away and her husband would obviously no longer want her. So by commanding that these men had to marry these women - to provide for them, to feed them, clothe them, and to house them God was giving them consequences for their actions. We hear people say that God was twisted but really these people were twisted much more so without this law. They were ALLOWED to rape women because women had NO WORTH.
Which isn't even the point of my blog. The point of my blog comes later in the chapter. Where it is stated that sex symbolized marriage to God. When we have sex we have given everything of ourselves. Really I could not summarize this chapter in so few words. The chapter speaks of agape (ahh-gahh-pay). selfless, giving love. of men dying for their wives. of women holding out for the man that will die for them, give for them, agape them.
At some point Rob somehow makes the parallel between premarital sex and us cheating on God. That's right - cheating on God.
They were married under the chuppah to signify the union of two people under and with God - but the marriage was not final until they had sex. As one person under God, with God.
So, that got me thinking of the other night when a guy asked if I was available, and I said "no" he said "Oh you have a boyfriend" and I said "not exactly, I'm just taken" ::funny stare:: and I replied "by Jesus" - worst looks ever, followed by laughter. I felt silly, yes, but I have taken this year challenge so I am technically not available.
After reading this I thought, really - I am taken by Jesus. To give myself to another, without the blessing of God is to cheat on God and the things which he has given me to give to my husband. I know I obviously do not have that to give anymore - but if someone were to cheat on their husband would it be okay to continue doing so just because they've done it before? Easy answer when it's put in that context. No.
So that got me thinking, if I am Gods then shouldn't I live my life as if he were my . . . boyfriend? Which then had me wondering how that played in to my life once I can start dating again. Would I flirt with another man if I were taken? Would I date other men if I were accounted for?
Obviously those are extreme questions. The point is that sex is sacred, meant for a marriage. And dating multiple people is not wrong, its giving yourself dishonestly to multiple people that becomes the real problem. So reserving myself for the person I marry while remaining faithful to God is the real point here. But the point is a big point, a testament few can commit to, including myself.
I'd like to stand, in the eyes of God, and get married with the knowledge that I can be faithful, that I have been faithful - to the one that matters most, to the one who already has laid down his life for me.
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