Society over Jesus

So I feel as though some people may have gotten the wrong impression in my last blog post. While I talked highly of my experience in California and of my experience with someone who knows how to treat a woman - and that I even said I was okay with justification of my actions, I did not mean that I am not still working at bettering myself as a person. I also didn't intend to give the impression that I didn't think I would have learned all those valuable lessons had I followed through with my original goal. That being said I realized something extremely important and troubling; I am putting the opinions of those around me ahead of the opinion of Jesus - the only one whose opinion truly matters. 

I have taken this year to better my relationship with God and myself and in doing so I believe I am learning a lot, and one of those things is how much I value the thoughts and ideas of those around me. In my previous blog I expressed how happy I was at all I learned and how far I had come in knowing what I deserve from just a few short months ago. I was overjoyed with the response I received from friends and family when they found out that I had broken my promise to myself. What I lost sight of is the fact that I broke my promise to God. I got caught up in things of this world, and I lost sight of where I had intended to be.

It's almost embarrassing being so candid in my ups and downs - but I want to be honest. Because while some Christians exude this easy walk with Jesus, it has made it difficult for myself and others to see how failure was ever forgiven. I pray that i'm finding the right words to express myself - because I think it's important to know that everyone falls short of the glory of God. 

I want to be relate-able. I want others to know that the goal is not perfection but merely striving to be a better person in the eyes of God. It would be a shame for me to express the ways in which I succeed and not mention the ways in which I fall short - because that doesn't bring people closer to God, it pushes them into a place where they find Christians to be righteous hypocrites, condemning those around them whenever they trip or fall. 

So, as stated previously, I held back a lot more than some people would while I was in California, but I gave in more than I had intended. And while I learned valuable lessons while I was there - most of those lessons could have been learned without crossing into the non-platonic. They could have been learned even if I had kept my promise to God. So while I fall short yet again, I have come closer to an understanding of where I need to be, and how far I have come. 

In the end I want to be immersed in God's love - and have my cup overflowing with what he intends for me and my life. I want to put his opinion of me above all others - and even when those around me tell me i'm doing a good job - it is more important to know that God feels I am doing a good job.