Love is a choice

Over the past several months I have been reading many books that delve into the topic of love. One reoccurring theme in each of these books is the difference between love and being in love. Difference you say? Why, what difference is there? 

As C.S Lewis points out, being in love is but a mere feeling. A feeling which brings us on a roller coaster of emotion and feeds into our imaginations and our spirits. But again, it is only a feeling. And feelings, they go away. In his book Mere Christianity, he asks the question "who would want to feel on top of the world every single day for the rest of their lives?" How exhausting. He then leads us into love. Love, being a quiet subtle choice that each of us makes upon marrying our best friends. 

Love is a choice. It is a choice to remain partners when the feelings of being "in love" come and go. It is a choice to stick by the vows you have taken. Which, again, C.S Lewis points out that these vows are promises. Promises that so few really listen to - and so many choose to ignore. To keep these promises is to keep your integrity - to stand by your word to the person you chose to promise your whole life to. 

A choice. A choice to work hard to fall in love over and over again - but to stick around even when the feelings of being in love have dulled to a quiet whisper, waiting to rear it's head when the time is right. 

When we hate, our hate grows stronger and stronger. We choose to dislike - and we choose to become angry. In doing so our interruptions grow stronger. They fill us with a contempt that runs deep. 

But when we love, when we choose to love and to like - to seek out the good in others, we truly love. It, too, grows stronger and stronger. 

C.S Lewis recommends pretending you like someone, then pretending you love someone. He is referring to the scripture "love your neighbor as you love yourself" but I chose to carry this into my love speech. Because  when we choose to love our partner as we love ourselves the same logic applies. We may love ourselves but that does not always mean that we like ourselves. In fact there are many things we don't like about ourselves - but we wish ourselves better people. We wish that others would treat us a certain way. So why, then, do we choose not to treat our spouses with the same respect? To treat them as we would like to be treated. 

As you can tell, C.S Lewis as made quite the impact on me. 

I hear so many people explaining away divorce with the reason "maybe they weren't in love anymore." Well, maybe they weren't - but that doesn't mean there wasn't love anymore. It means that the feeling we had melted away to something, that if properly tended, can grow into something so much more beautiful than being "in love." 

Falling out of love shouldn't be a reason for divorce. It should be a reason to rekindle that love. 

And I am sure that you will find, after all that time, you are still very much in love.