I am a generally happy person. In fact, I would say I am happy 98 percent of the time. But somewhere between age, a brain injury, and several hurtful comments/actions I realized that I am not taken seriously as a person. Why is this? I believe it's due to the fact that I laugh to much; here is why.
Several years ago a family member invited a girl over to a family function. At some point during the family function I heard someone say "She's a nice girl, not very bright, but nice," to which I responded "Why isn't she bright?" "She's just giggly" they said. She's giggly, eh? So, someone who giggles a lot must not just be enjoying life or the conversation - they must just be too dim witted to understand what's going on around them so they instead giggle. I mean, there are people who giggle because they don't get it - true. But there are those of us, ahem me, who giggle because of the joyous circumstance of love and life all around them. On to my next point.
After my brain injury I was angry. That is an understatement. Not angry in an oh-why-me kind of way but more like a frontal-lobe-hemorrhage kind of cannot-control-emotions kind of way and a strange thing happened, people liked it. In fact, people from all over told me how much they liked my new found anger. My constant swearing. The random outbursts. The lack of ambition or laughter. People liked my brain damage induced, not at all voluntary, anger. I was listened to more, people enjoyed my company more, and I was even told at one point "now you're more like the rest of us." Oh great, now i'm a bitter whiner who makes excuses rather than happily changes my circumstances - OH JOY! SIKE!
This one was especially hurtful because I had been dating a guy prior to this accident for a year who would tell me that he could not handle me when I got too "giddy" with excitement. That my giggles and laughter were too much. To which I replied "everyone else loves me exactly the way I am, why can't you?" Only to find out that in fact, everyone else found me equally as insufferable at times and needed me to cool it down a notch.
Moving on. The last straw[s] came over the past two years. I have had a job where I have worked along side a wonderful, quite capable, coworker who literally could make mountains move. I, however, can also make mountains move. The difference? Her face shows it. Mine? Shows a giant smile and a hundred decibels of laughter each day at work. When our bosses need something done - they ask her. When I take the initiative and take on a project myself, they shit on it. Not literally but the one big project I took on they literally just didn't use it, or praise it, or do anything to say "We know you can!" In fact, when someone forgets to right a location of a car I am automatically the one blamed. Or when we all arrive late to work somehow the offence is worse because it is me. When there is a promotion at work I can almost see the laughter in their eyes when I suggest that I may want that position. In fact, it is here that it became more apparent than ever that my happy demeanor is seen as incompetence. I am a happy, trusting. naive child - capable of only what I am told, and filling water bottles.
Then came the day, while lamenting to my parents about this fact, that they said "you need to master your hats." Now, I had been told this before - but it was during this time that it truly sank in. I want to laugh, I want to be sooooo happy it makes me cry. I want to greet everyone with the biggest smiles and crack the best jokes. But sometimes you have to wear another hat.
Like my roommate three years ago. At home she was funny and forgetful and sometimes a little too wild, but at work she was a force like no other. She had moved to store manager by the age of 19 and by the age of 21 had been promoted a ton of times. She now makes more than most people who have gone to college - because she understood her hats.
Or that awesome coworker - who also happens to be my current roommate. Yesterday while doing a phone interview she was matter of fact, to the point, and there weren't extra words or laughter - no giggles or stories. I thought, how boring, but guess what - she got the job. She had the right hat on.
And while I have no clue why some of the most crabby, unhappy people out there are also the most successful - I am just going to have to suck it up. I am going to have to master my hats. Because as much as I would love the world to take my bubbly happy self seriously. As much as I want them to look at that happy face and think "Now THAT woman can move mountains!" They won't. It's like I told my mohawk sportin', butt hangin' out brother - the world isn't going to take you seriously just because you think they should, you have to show them you are worth taking seriously.
Maybe I did need to calm down a bit. Maybe I do need to show a little more seriousness when taking on tasks in the work place. Maybe I need to reserve the over giddy excitement for certain places. That's okay - because after I have proven my worthiness - that laughter is coming right out, make no mistake!
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