All we have is now - in so many moments.

Church today was about What God has called us each to do. It was about the passion that is stirred in our heart each day by God - the things he lays on our hearts and where he expects us to take that passion. Pastor John made the statement that if we are doing something in life for ourselves then we are acting out of lust, not passion. Our passions should be something that benefits those around us.

This of course got me wondering what it is that I do for those around me. What i'm passionate about. I know that God is calling me to go to Vet school, and while I do not know why - I know that's where he's leading me. However, I cannot say I feel passionate - as if I were born to do this. That being said, I love animals and the relationships we have with them as well as the roles they conduct in our lives. 

I also considered that making people smile or happy was my passion. I get ridiculously giddy when I can make someones day or get them to laugh. My drug is hearing someone call me with a problem and telling me thank you because I have in some way helped - even if a little. I don't know if that's what God is searching for - because you can't make a living making peoples days - however, you can make a life :) 

John ended service by having us hold our hands over our hearts and feel them beat. He then states that one day this heart would stop beating and what would we do with that heart while we were alive. This moment in the a.m led me to the moments leading up to the p.m - Lauren's memorial service. 

I wore my big pink tutu and walked into the funeral alone. I sat stood there as her grandmother and aunt told me how wonderful my tutu was and that Lauren would have loved it! As I sat in the seats staring at the slideshow I remembered Pastor John talking about how one day our hearts will stop beating, and what did we do that that time here - how did we shine a light for others? Lauren shone a light for so many with her sobriety and love for God - it was apparent by the hundreds present that Lauren made peoples lives special. 

Being confronted with death makes you wonder how people would talk about you after you were gone, what they would say and how they would feel. Would our passions be apparent? Were we living for God and letting people see the beautiful side of that relationship? Essentially - how was the dash between the dates? These things have been on my mind all day - i'm not sure what my passions are or what people would say when I am gone - all I can do is pray. 


It was beautiful watching Lauren's lantern float away, lighting up the sky - just as Lauren has done in life and will do in death.