Love Should Not Be Mediocre

Ask me a year ago and I would have told you that love is not butterflies. That butterflies fly away, and when they're gone it is what is left that love is made of. I figured I should just skip the butterflies and get to the real deal - the hard part. 

I remember having butterflies - with my first love. When I see him it's obvious those butterflies have since flown far away. But for a time we loved like people talk about. I was hopelessly and passionately head over heels for this high school teen. Sometimes I would cry just staring at him and I seriously thought it would never end. 

It did end. and maybe that's where my journey of loveless relationships began. I have never considered this until now - never thought deeply into it until this year long challenge. Now is the time though, because through out this year I am supposed to move on from childhood pain and resentments - even when I forget they're there. 

Maybe when my simple teenage love came to an end I was so heartbroken I made a subconscious decision to skip the fun part. To skip the "I love you's till forever and always" - believing that if I got to the comfortable boring part then my heart would never really break. So far, it's worked. It hurts when my relationships end but nothing heart wrenching and stomach twisting. Nothing sickening - I cry if only for those whose hearts I have broken. Even when I thought I loved them.

Then there are the couple that I have loved - the butterflies and the anguish - but I never told. I never told two people how much they mattered, because I was not as important to them as they were to me. I'm not saying this in some dramatic girly way - i'm saying this because they both told me that exact sentence. 

While one of these men was a great catch - treated me like a princess - the other was a bad boy, the type to love and leave quicker than that four letter word could by uttered. None the less - they gave me butterflies and a yearning to take on the world with them.


It was over a year ago that a friend of mine posted a quote - the one pictured here - and I laughed. Thinking, "Good luck girl" love IS mediocre - after all is said and done. But I found myself today, reading it and thinking - that's how it should be, that's what I want.  

Basically I am learning, slowly, that I want butterflies and the uncontrollable need to be with someone - even if the butterflies fly away - they will return someday. Or so I am told, by those with the marriages I envy most. I want my best-friend and extraordinary partner, to take on the world. Love is only mediocre when you let it be - when you give in to mediocrity.