The Sins of the Father

I haven't been inspired at Church enough lately to write a blog post - that or I've been too lazy. But here I am! 

This Sunday I went to Church in Texas, at a place called The Current, with a couple friends of mine and they were wrapping up a sermon series about baggage. Baggage from the past that carries over and penetrates our relationships with our children, our significant others, and our friends. 

I was intrigued, to say the least, because we all have baggage - and at times we feel we have more than anyone else. However, they started out the sermon with a video depicting what happened that fateful day in the Garden of Eden when sin was introduced into the world. I was confused. What did this have to do with baggage? It didn't help that I wasn't a big fan of the depiction but that's besides the point. Eventually the movie ended and the pastor pointed out that baggage had come into the world within the first few chapters of the history of man. It was inevitable. 

As my boyfriend put it - we had ONE RULE! 

Adam and Eve broke that rule, introducing all that we have come to deal with on a daily basis. Again, this is besides the point. 

Then the pastor asked "What does sin have to do with baggage?" Thank you, mister obvious, we were all quite confused. 

Well, he continued, sin is three different things. Two of which I can't remember to be honest, but one that resonated with me. Sin, above all, carries over. He stated that we are punished for the sins of our father. He then pointed out that in the new testament not as much but plenty of times in the old testament we are told of punishment reverberating across generations of man for what one people did. Which prompted me to look up Ezekiel, in the old testament, and show my friend where in Ezekiel 18:17 it states " He will not die for his father's sins; he will surely live." 

I was so bothered by what the pastor had said, I brought it up during lunch, where we had a lengthy conversation which cleared things up for me. 

We are punished for the sins of each other. Not so much with life and death - that we earn for ourselves. However, we are greatly affected by what is done to us, even if not by us. The pastor used our parents transgressions as an example, as well as abusive relationships. 

We are not in control of how our parents raised us or the sins they committed. We are not in control of those who abuse us. But we are in control of how we handle that. 

Sin carries over from their lives, into our own. We have the choice to learn from it and do the opposite, to treat others differently, to live a life for Jesus, to repent when we know we've done wrong. We have the choice to let it go and to move on. Not only for ourselves, but for our children and our significant others. 

I am greatly affected by the transgressions of my parents. How they chose to treat each other in their marriage. How they chose to live their lives. The choices they made. The sins they committed. 

However, it is my choice not to repeat their mistakes. To sin myself - because we all sin. But to find it in God to forgive those sins. It is up to me to leave the baggage behind and not carry it into my relationship with Anthony and later my children. 

Because my choices will affect my children - and how they perceive what is okay and what is not okay. The way I sin will have a lasting affect on how my children handle situations. Each of their first encounters with a situation will be met with reflection on what their mom and dad did. When I tell them what is and is not okay they may ask what I have done in that situation. I can make, and hope that I have made, good decisions in most aspects of my life. Because my choices pave the way for their choices.

They can choose to follow in my foot steps or pave their own way. 

Religion vs. God

I stayed home from church today and instead watched a sermon from Andy Stanley, titled Intimacy with God. It's funny because the part that stuck out to me most was when he brought up religion versus true intimacy with God. Most Christians abhor religion as much as the nonbelievers - however it never occurred to me how religious I could be. 

Andy started out by asking us to imagine a situation where we yearned for a deeper more meaningful relationship with another person - be it a husband, wife, brother, sister, parent, friend - anyone. We give one hundred percent of ourselves only to be stiff armed every time we try to get closer. God is that person, trying desperately to get closer to us. We've opted for religion over intimacy with God. 

Religion teaches respect for God. We learn the formula. Get up, go to church, don't swear, say 50 hail Marys, fast for lent, etc. But religion leads to two things - self centered and judgmental people. Religion teaches us to judge, because we "know what God is looking for" in other Christians. So we judge those people and in turn begin to hate them. Religion teaches us that if we do a b and c we will get d. We become selfish. If only I do this, God will give me this. 

Then when we don't get what we want, we are surprised, we get angry with God because "the God I believe in wouldn't have let that happen" - but we don't really know him. 

Some of the greatest pain comes from religious people. In John 6:2-3 Jesus tells his followers that religious people will "put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. ³ And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me." They commit acts based on what the church has told them God wants. 

The sad part is, I became one of the religious people in that moment. I thought of several people who have judged and condemned me because of what they "believed" God wanted of me. Because of what they thought a good Christian should consist of. And then something amazing happened, I hated them. In that moment I felt disgusted and instead of doing what Jesus calls us to do, I did what religion calls me to do - I hated rather than loved my neighbor based on their actions. I did the very thing that I hated in that moment. 

I want intimacy with God. Which Andy points out requires three things: time, transparency, and submission. Time uninterrupted, prayers not littered by politeness but instead by the absolute truth because God knows the truth, he just wants it to come from us, and giving one hundred percent of ourselves through submission. A truly intimate relationship, with God or with man, requires that we put the other persons needs in front of our own all the time - and God has already done that for us. 

I want to continue my life in a constant and passionate pursuit of intimacy with God. I want to know Him, not just what religion tells me, but who the Father really is. I want to give all of me as he has given all of him. And I want to show the world the love that Jesus sought, not the condemnation that has forced so many out of the church. 

I want more than ever to be closer to God. 

Andy Stanley - Intimacy with God

Free Will or Robots?

So I've been trying out a new church, and by trying out I mean I've gone the past two weeks. So in all reality I've just barely scratched the surface. Its a great church with a lot of young people, my age, all in search of a deeper relationship with God. So why am I not connecting? I feel isolated there, and walk out of there not feeling spiritually satiated. I'm always wanting more of . . . something.

Today one comment in particular stuck out to me. It pertains to the question of whether God knows or does not know the future. To some people this question is obvious, to others there is a gray area. This particular pastor taught that God not only knows the different outcomes of our decisions, but that he also knows in advance what we will choose. He argued that other churches teach that God knows the outcomes of our choices but not what choice we will make. 

I had never thought of free will from that point of view. It had always come so naturally that God knows all. Until one day a friend of mine asked me - "Heather, if God is in control of all things, why does he let people kill people?" - to which of course I replied that we have free will and he doesn't prevent us or force us to do things. And she brought up the point, what if two people are praying for God to save them, and one of them gets killed and the other doesn't. The one person thanks God, and can you really thank God if he didn't really have anything to do with it?

All of these, are of course, valid questions. Some of the answers I have received go along the lines of that the holy spirit is what lays something on our heart, and we decide whether or not to listen. Also, that you cannot receive the Holy Spirit unless you have accepted Jesus into your heart - which is also debatable. To that I've heard the response that if the Holy Spirit wasn't in us all then people who hadn't come to the Lord would never be compelled to come to the Lord. 

My response to her was this; that the Lord does not step in and stop the man from killing the two people, because if one of them is praying to God, chances are they have asked forgiveness and if they are to die, God knows they will join him in heaven, and no longer feel nor remember that pain. I was taught, also, that God is a testing God - so if the person isn't killed, God will allow us pain to overcome it and to come out on the other side stronger and closer to God than before. 

Back to the main point, does God know how we will choose before hand? Or does He just know what the various outcomes of our choices COULD be? It seems to me that if he knew in advance, then why would he allow certain things to happen? If it's all planned out then why ask for forgiveness? God already knows the day you are born whether or not you're going to Heaven. Which, in my opinion, means that all sin is pointless. How can God become disappointed in you and then happy with you when he knew before you were conceived the ways in which you would disappoint him? 

Not only that but there is a song, titled Well Done, which talks about meeting Jesus at the end of your life and hearing "Well Done" - the whole song talks about becoming a better person because you want Jesus to say well done at the end. If Jesus already knows where our lives are going, would he not just know from before day one whether or not a well done will be handed out? What would be his reasons to compel us to become better people if he knew before hand how it would all happen?

It states in the Bible that God is present everywhere, that he knows all and see's all. However I wonder if he doesn't just know what could happen and waits to see what we will do - thus free will. 

Next week they're doing a sermon on why our choices still matter. Since I said I'd give it three weeks, I'll go - and see if any of my questions are answered. If you have any good insight on the topic, please, comment or message me on Facebook!

Sunday Sermons and Favorite People

Sunday brought church and lunch with my favorite teacher from high school. She was my Spanish teacher and had a way to get through to us as high-schoolers that other teachers lacked. Now i'm not saying we all got straight A's but I am saying that I distinctly remember her having a talk with us about the work it takes to learn a language. Most of us scoffed and thought "I do not want to spend everyday on one subject" but non the less I have taken that with me into other classes during college. 


Church service was about marriage [ Is there some theme going on here God??] and what marriage is. Marriage is meant to represent the relationship between God and the Church [ the Church being the body, not the location and the bricks, that make up a congregation]. Marriage is meant to represent how God loves and sacrifices himself for the Church the same way that the Church should sacrifice themselves. The pastor said an interesting thing - he stated that marriage is not for us, marriage is not meant to provide something in our lives. He kept saying "What does this person do for me? How do they do this or that in my life?" - he said that we have it all wrong. Marriage is supposed to be the outward expression of God and his relationship with the Church. When he got into the vows part of a wedding he stressed the fact that for better or for worse meant for better or for worse. I laughed when he said "Well, you might say, I didn't realize it would be this much worser" ha! Stating once again that marriage is not for us, it's not to make our lives better or to make them easier - it's again a union for God. He also says that there are reasons for divorce, reasons in the Bible that are justifiable for divorce - however, he asks if we need to end it just because it isn't going well, just because "we're not us" anymore or "it's not making me happy." One couple he used as an example are on the edge of divorce but the woman says she isn't sure what to do - because although her husband did something worth them divorcing over she wants to make sure she's doing right by God - stating that she'd rather be unhappy in her marriage than disobey God. Now - I must admit this whole sermon is a little hard for me, because I don't understand why God would want us unhappy, but I found some of the message very meaningful and worth taking into a marriage. Amen. out 

After Church we took her [adorable beyond all reason] kids to Chuys for lunch. After talking for the first fifteen minutes and never opening our menus I decided to concentrate. Apparently she gets the same thing every time so after a few minutes I told her what I was getting and it was the same thing!! After an hour or so of talking and eating, well I was eating - Poor Jaclyn could hardly get a bite in because her children were dominating her existence, we went back to her house and I set out on my way to Linnzie's. I loved catching up with Jaclyn and meeting her newest little man. It feels good knowing that I have kept in touch with someone who I loved going to class with every day in high school - and it feels even better being able to tell my story and be proud of where I'm at in life, because God knows my teachers in high school prayed for me. 


It's off to see Linnzie, the wonderful Linnzie of love! Linnzie, as most of you know, was my roommate in Colorado. When we all moved in together Sarah was worried that we wouldn't get along. She could not have been more wrong. Through laughter and morning dance parties we each found a special place in our hearts and she is definitely one of my best friends. Once I got to her house we decided to go shopping for a while. We made it to the Galleria just fine and found ourselves in the maternity store, where Linnzie picked out clothes and I strapped a fake baby belly on to see what it would be like. It was so funny, that we decided a picture was in order! Soon enough Linnzie and I were walking around the mall like 70 year old women, complaining of aches and pains, sitting down - and even both letting out a sigh at the same time when we got on the escalator! My pain was due to my back and a lack of medical care - hers of course was 7 months of pregnancy. We called it quits and drove home, exhausted but laughing our butts off about being the youngest old people there. Kyle greeted us with a delicious Chicken Alfredo [ I was forced to capitilize that?? ] dinner, yum! Sleep came quickly after that!! 

The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Received

Sunday service began with a memorial video for Andy Griffith – which I found comical, only because once the video was done nothing was mentioned about it. I couldn’t tell you much about what the sermon was about save for one bit of advice from pastor Will – always say I love you.  He told us about an 18 year old kid, the son of a preacher, who had sky dived on this 18^th birthday last week, and died the next day while cliff jumping. His advice was to always say I love you. Although this is fantastic advice, those who know me well, know that I am great at the L word ;) So, this is not the best advice I have ever received.

Earlier in the week I watched a sermon online from pastor Jon – the pastor from my church in Minnesota. That week’s message was titled “Failing Forward: Relationships.” His message was clear – just because we have failed in our relationships with our friends, family, parents, children, spouses, etc. – does not mean we have to continue failing. Through God we are cleansed and begin new each day. We ask for forgiveness and have the option to  continue on the same destructive path or to move forward in our relationships. He used the example of a homeless man he once knew. This man and he were casually talking over dinner from the soup line when Jon asked him about his family. Upon hearing the question the man’s face turned sour and he relayed the story of the end of his marriage. They had gotten into a fight and he had walked out on her – never to return – and twenty six years later remains homeless, stuck in that moment; stuck in his failed relationship.  Pastor Jon challenged us to take failures and turn them into successes – his message was not “to let past failures predict our future destinations.” I had missed this before, but I am someone stuck in failure. After my relationship with William I had begun to believe that I never wanted to get married – not because of my relationship with William, but because it had failed. Not only had it failed but I was not sure how or why exactly it failed. I could point out a list of pitfalls and snags but in the end those were just specifics when what I wanted were the broad reasons. The umbrella reasons for a failed relationship – so that I could move on and understand how to have a healthy, loving, friendship -which brings me to the best relationship advice I have ever received.

Sunday afternoon, while paying bills and scanning through the POF profiles [don’t ask] I came upon this pretty boy. After rolling my eyes at his modelesque picture and snickering at what I thought was going to be an all too full of himself dope – I read the first line of his profile “I live my life for Jesus” – of course, feeling sheepish, I read the rest of it only to find myself staring at a link and directions to watch this video.  Obviously after so harshly judging this book by it’s cover I decided to watch the video.

The video was a sermon titled “Love, Sex, and Dating” part 1 of 4. It was an hour long sermon done by a man named Andy, a pastor in Georgia. He had me hooked instantly with his charisma and straight forward message. His message contained many parts but three stuck out for me. 1 was the “right person myth” this idea that we will somehow become the best wife/husband if only we find the “right person” – that upon meeting this person, everything will just fall into place “naturally.” He then explains that although chemistry can bring people together, it cannot sustain a relationship. He then goes on to ask us to ask ourselves “am I the person that the person I am looking for, is looking for?” basically – if my dream person walked through the door, would I be their dream person? He used the example of a female from a singles group he leads. This woman grew up Christian but upon entering college decided she’d like to put that on the back burner and concentrate on having fun and casually dating around, which also meant sleeping with people. One day she was at a party and he dream guy happened to be there – amazing looks, career, and personality – and he was also devoted whole heartedly to God. When she got home she told her mom all about this man and her mom turned to her and said “Sweetie, a man like that doesn’t want a woman like you” and the girl, realizing her mother was right, began to cry. She decided at that point to become the kind of person she would be searching for – the kind of person the person she wanted, would want. If this wasn’t enough he then went into 1 Corinthians 13 – the love chapter – and went over each line step by step, helping us to understand how to instill this in our own lives. After all, God created relationships and in so doing, taught us how to be in these relationships. He then gave us the advice to practice each of the things in that verse in our everyday lives. On any first date we may go on, with any potential person – even if we know we will not marry them. Because maybe if we practice enough, when the “right person” comes along – we will have the relationship skills to build a truly miraculous relationship. There was so much more in that hour sermon, and the one from Jon, that I have included both links and really urge you to listen to them both!! I have yet to watch part 2-4 but  friend of mine did and said that all four parts combined should be watched. 

After watching that sermon, coupled with all I had learned that week – I realized where I had gone wrong in so many aspects of my life, especially my relationships. So while I may have rebelled against the idea of joining POF – I believe now I know why I was drawn to join that site, and it may just have saved my future self! God bless and good luck!! 

http://vimeo.com/42134877 - Pastor John: Failing Forward

http://www.northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating - Pastor Andy: Love, Sex, and Dating 

Slavery and Human Trafficking.

Yesterday was a day for God. We got up and headed to church around 10 - taught Sunday school, went to the adult service, and then had lunch. Since Sandy's friends were leading the afternoon service we decided to stay for that one as well. Normally that service is called the "JOY" service but yesterday I guess they had a change of heart. We crowded into the pews and sat, listening to the band play the first song. After they had sung, the two youngest members came forward and told us about something call Passion 2012. Each year there is a national convention for 18-25 year olds, called Passion, which hosts a different subject each year, this years subject was slavery and human trafficking. After explaining what we were about to watch I observed as Sandy's face turned to dread as she pondered whether her children were ready for what they were about to witness. We decided together that the video portrayed something very real and that ignoring it didn't mean the children wouldn't learn about it later, and making them leave would cause them to become more curious. So, nervously, we sat and watched the movie and the kids faces as they focused intently on the screen in front of them. Minute to minute we heard the stories of three people - each a slave in one form or another. We heard their struggles to find jobs, their shock when they realized they weren't going where they had intended to go, the abuse endured during the long hours of day. Teary eyed we listened in horror to their broken words and tattered stories. Stories of loss and fear, stories of utter betrayal of humanity. And stories of redemption, as these three people came out of slavery with the help of various different agencies present all around the world. Agencies outlined in the thank you video accompanying the Passion 2012 Freedom video. We watched as these people came to learn who Jesus is, who God is, and the faith they've developed upon being saved. While I sat there, teary eyed and heart broken I watched their daughter turn around in her seat and exclaim that she wanted to go home. I watched as another little girl clapped her hands against her fathers face, laughing, and my heart became so heavy with sorrow - as well as happiness. There are 27 million people in some sort of slavery today all across the world. That is more than the entire African slave trade. My sorrow came from the idea that there are children and adults all over the world who cannot turn around in their chairs and tell their families they want to go home. It came from the idea that children all over the world cannot clasp their parents in their arms and laugh uncontrollably for no reason. Ironically that is also where my happiness came from. I am so happy to be living here today, to be with people who love me and whom I love. So happy to be so blessed by God. The movie really tore into me, in some of the deepest depths of thought. So much so that I hope to someday help in one of the various countries. Not For Sale in Cape Town, South Africa really caught my eye. I'll continue to pray to God for guidance, not only for myself but for the millions of people who have no voice right now. I've included the full video, including the thank you video outlining some of those involved in Passion 2012. 2013 brings Freedom 2013 - an attempt to draw more attention to slavery around the globe and what we can do to stop it. 


Movie: Passion 2012 Freedom Film
Passion 2012 Thank You Video
Christy Nockels - Passion 2012 song

Make God Laugh, Tell Him Your Plans

Clearly "inconsistent" is one of the many words that many people use to describe me. So, with that, I bring you my inconsistently written blog! Yesterday was one of the best days so far! Why? Because not only did I get to skim the pasture and pick up garbage so Jason could mow - but while picking up scrap metal I carried a piece of metal fifteen feet and handed it to their little girl before noticing a giant wasps nest CRAWLING with wasps. Get this, not a one of them stung either of us! Thank you God. After cleaning up, we got to take down the fence and help Jason rebuild the new one. I was a hardware removing queen! Anyway - the reason I loved yesterday was because I have been wanting to do work on the actual farm. I love collecting eggs and feeding the chickens, sheep, and dogs - but I really miss working on the farm back home. I'm looking into shadowing some large animal veterinarians around here so I can figure out where I want to be in life. Which brings me to my next point - church. Today, after preparing for Jason's fathers day gift all day, we went to church. Sitting in a group of about 6 people we watched a movie called "God's Story" or something. After a narrator read part of the segment of a book provided with the movie, a person came on to explain the significance. The story was about king Cyrus and his generosity to the Jewish people when he sent them out of Babylon to go to Jerusalum in order to rebuild the temple. Cyrus commanded people from everywhere to provide  silver and gold for the project. After starting the temple the people got distracted and began building up their own houses, businesses, and so forth - forgetting the temple for 16 years [I may have some facts wrong, bare with me!]. After a while a pattern began. No matter how much food they grew, they remained hungry. No matter how much money they accumulated, they could always use more. No matter how much they drank, they remained thirsty. They tried to solve their problems with their own solutions - forgetting to look to God. Anyway - somehow we got to the point that we often times forget to look to God and instead look to ourselves to solve our problems. Not only that, but when something goes right we attribute it to ourselves rather than to his grace and blessings. I have noticed lately that I am lost - lost about going back to college, where I want to live, and what job I may want to do in the future. Funny thing? I wasn't lost three months ago when I handed complete control over to God. I knew exactly where I was and what I wanted. For a while I began to think how funny it was, the impact a roadtrip and not having a job could have - but now I am wondering if the roadtrip has nothing to do with it. If it's actually that I started making plans again, that I started looking to myself to solve problems. Now, the same guy also said that we cannot attribute every set back to God - that some set backs are the result of our own decisions - but never the less, it got me thinking. I have not fallen away, nor have I made any bad decisions but to cure my confusion I know where to look, I know who to look to - God. Because the plans God has for me are so much better than anything I could plan for myself.  
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

St. Boni Sermon 5.6.12

Failure. That was the basis of today’s sermon in church. Our pastor used examples such as Einstein, Michael Jordan, Thomas Edison, and let me just say, those examples are compelling. For instance Einstein, as most people know, failed out of school. Michael Jordan has some sick statistics about how many game shots he’s missed, how many games he's lost, and he was cut from his sophomore basketball team. Edison, while trying to create the battery, watched as ten years of hard work went up in flames only to exclaim "There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start again." How profound. Some people are consumed by failure. They are swallowed whole by fear of working so hard at something and falling short. Of course, this wasn't a message on how to succeed in college or work, it was a message in failing in our faith. Faith is the hardened belief that something is truly there even when we cannot see it [my own, very simplified, definition of course!]. I suppose he meant not only our faith but also in how we serve God. The way we conduct ourselves, pity ourselves, use our body’s and our speech. We fail God all the time; we fail ourselves all the time. What we discussed was how this failure is not forever, the sermon was called "failing forward," and the message was simple: going forward we can take those failures and turn them not into fear but into lessons. There was a bible verse, Romans 5:3-4, "³ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope." Our notes also held a section about what it means to be a "mature Christian" and the statement read [basically] that a mature Christian understands that failure is not final but that thru God’s grace and forgiveness we can always do right by him. Those, again, are my own words as I do not have the notes. In life, and in our faith we must persevere - because where would we be had Einstein or Edison gave into their failures. Anyway, I am always happy to attend the church I go to with my wonderful Grandma. The lessons learned always get through to me. With the funniest, more humble pastors I have ever witness, I must say - I love it. I will attempt to give my insights on all the sermons I attend on my road trip - because it's important to see how other churches get the message across!!