The Best Relationship Advice I Ever Received

Sunday service began with a memorial video for Andy Griffith – which I found comical, only because once the video was done nothing was mentioned about it. I couldn’t tell you much about what the sermon was about save for one bit of advice from pastor Will – always say I love you.  He told us about an 18 year old kid, the son of a preacher, who had sky dived on this 18^th birthday last week, and died the next day while cliff jumping. His advice was to always say I love you. Although this is fantastic advice, those who know me well, know that I am great at the L word ;) So, this is not the best advice I have ever received.

Earlier in the week I watched a sermon online from pastor Jon – the pastor from my church in Minnesota. That week’s message was titled “Failing Forward: Relationships.” His message was clear – just because we have failed in our relationships with our friends, family, parents, children, spouses, etc. – does not mean we have to continue failing. Through God we are cleansed and begin new each day. We ask for forgiveness and have the option to  continue on the same destructive path or to move forward in our relationships. He used the example of a homeless man he once knew. This man and he were casually talking over dinner from the soup line when Jon asked him about his family. Upon hearing the question the man’s face turned sour and he relayed the story of the end of his marriage. They had gotten into a fight and he had walked out on her – never to return – and twenty six years later remains homeless, stuck in that moment; stuck in his failed relationship.  Pastor Jon challenged us to take failures and turn them into successes – his message was not “to let past failures predict our future destinations.” I had missed this before, but I am someone stuck in failure. After my relationship with William I had begun to believe that I never wanted to get married – not because of my relationship with William, but because it had failed. Not only had it failed but I was not sure how or why exactly it failed. I could point out a list of pitfalls and snags but in the end those were just specifics when what I wanted were the broad reasons. The umbrella reasons for a failed relationship – so that I could move on and understand how to have a healthy, loving, friendship -which brings me to the best relationship advice I have ever received.

Sunday afternoon, while paying bills and scanning through the POF profiles [don’t ask] I came upon this pretty boy. After rolling my eyes at his modelesque picture and snickering at what I thought was going to be an all too full of himself dope – I read the first line of his profile “I live my life for Jesus” – of course, feeling sheepish, I read the rest of it only to find myself staring at a link and directions to watch this video.  Obviously after so harshly judging this book by it’s cover I decided to watch the video.

The video was a sermon titled “Love, Sex, and Dating” part 1 of 4. It was an hour long sermon done by a man named Andy, a pastor in Georgia. He had me hooked instantly with his charisma and straight forward message. His message contained many parts but three stuck out for me. 1 was the “right person myth” this idea that we will somehow become the best wife/husband if only we find the “right person” – that upon meeting this person, everything will just fall into place “naturally.” He then explains that although chemistry can bring people together, it cannot sustain a relationship. He then goes on to ask us to ask ourselves “am I the person that the person I am looking for, is looking for?” basically – if my dream person walked through the door, would I be their dream person? He used the example of a female from a singles group he leads. This woman grew up Christian but upon entering college decided she’d like to put that on the back burner and concentrate on having fun and casually dating around, which also meant sleeping with people. One day she was at a party and he dream guy happened to be there – amazing looks, career, and personality – and he was also devoted whole heartedly to God. When she got home she told her mom all about this man and her mom turned to her and said “Sweetie, a man like that doesn’t want a woman like you” and the girl, realizing her mother was right, began to cry. She decided at that point to become the kind of person she would be searching for – the kind of person the person she wanted, would want. If this wasn’t enough he then went into 1 Corinthians 13 – the love chapter – and went over each line step by step, helping us to understand how to instill this in our own lives. After all, God created relationships and in so doing, taught us how to be in these relationships. He then gave us the advice to practice each of the things in that verse in our everyday lives. On any first date we may go on, with any potential person – even if we know we will not marry them. Because maybe if we practice enough, when the “right person” comes along – we will have the relationship skills to build a truly miraculous relationship. There was so much more in that hour sermon, and the one from Jon, that I have included both links and really urge you to listen to them both!! I have yet to watch part 2-4 but  friend of mine did and said that all four parts combined should be watched. 

After watching that sermon, coupled with all I had learned that week – I realized where I had gone wrong in so many aspects of my life, especially my relationships. So while I may have rebelled against the idea of joining POF – I believe now I know why I was drawn to join that site, and it may just have saved my future self! God bless and good luck!! 

http://vimeo.com/42134877 - Pastor John: Failing Forward

http://www.northpoint.org/messages/the-new-rules-for-love-sex-and-dating - Pastor Andy: Love, Sex, and Dating