Too Stubborn For Help

Most of you are aware that I was in a pretty serious head on collision a few weeks ago, which resulted in a broken right hand, a mysterious knee injury, and two brain injuries. Consequently I was having headaches and serious mood swings, meaning that many of my thoughts become very aggravated and I am easily frustrated. The doctors say this is normal for the area of the brain the wounds were sustained. The doctors decided to put me on an anti-seizure medicine to help with my headaches and mood swings, apparently they often give the same one to people with bipolar disorder. 

Needless to say after almost a month I am starting to feel more like me, I'm still suffering from some of the brain injuries but my mood is starting to return to normal. I'm less aggravated and starting to be less frustrated. Which brings me back to my medicine. I was telling my friend yesterday that I wanted to only complete the one month of the medicine the doctors prescribed and then be off of them.  I explained that if I were feeling more like myself I wanted it to be because I was myself not because of medicine. 

Then this morning I thought about how naive that was. Everyone who knows me is aware that I am pretty much against mind altering anything. I cannot for the life of me understand the allure of drugs and being wasted. However this is different. 

I've heard an addict tell me that they don't want a pill to change who they were, although who they were ended up killing them. I've met family members of people with bipolar disorder who have decided against their meds and are now losing people because of their moods. Countless addicts refuse treatment or counseling every year because "it doesn't work," refusing to see that what they're doing is what really isn't working. 

We don't know what my brain injuries will result in, and I can try to see what it's like with out my medicine. But say that I am not who I was before the accident, say that my injuries result in something long term [which is not predicted], I don't want to be too stubborn for help. 

I want to be an example that it's okay to not be okay all the time. Because its refusing mental health issues that hurts the most people around us, including ourselves. So while I will pray that I get back to the old me without these meds, I will not be too proud to seek help if it just doesn't happen.

Free Will or Robots?

So I've been trying out a new church, and by trying out I mean I've gone the past two weeks. So in all reality I've just barely scratched the surface. Its a great church with a lot of young people, my age, all in search of a deeper relationship with God. So why am I not connecting? I feel isolated there, and walk out of there not feeling spiritually satiated. I'm always wanting more of . . . something.

Today one comment in particular stuck out to me. It pertains to the question of whether God knows or does not know the future. To some people this question is obvious, to others there is a gray area. This particular pastor taught that God not only knows the different outcomes of our decisions, but that he also knows in advance what we will choose. He argued that other churches teach that God knows the outcomes of our choices but not what choice we will make. 

I had never thought of free will from that point of view. It had always come so naturally that God knows all. Until one day a friend of mine asked me - "Heather, if God is in control of all things, why does he let people kill people?" - to which of course I replied that we have free will and he doesn't prevent us or force us to do things. And she brought up the point, what if two people are praying for God to save them, and one of them gets killed and the other doesn't. The one person thanks God, and can you really thank God if he didn't really have anything to do with it?

All of these, are of course, valid questions. Some of the answers I have received go along the lines of that the holy spirit is what lays something on our heart, and we decide whether or not to listen. Also, that you cannot receive the Holy Spirit unless you have accepted Jesus into your heart - which is also debatable. To that I've heard the response that if the Holy Spirit wasn't in us all then people who hadn't come to the Lord would never be compelled to come to the Lord. 

My response to her was this; that the Lord does not step in and stop the man from killing the two people, because if one of them is praying to God, chances are they have asked forgiveness and if they are to die, God knows they will join him in heaven, and no longer feel nor remember that pain. I was taught, also, that God is a testing God - so if the person isn't killed, God will allow us pain to overcome it and to come out on the other side stronger and closer to God than before. 

Back to the main point, does God know how we will choose before hand? Or does He just know what the various outcomes of our choices COULD be? It seems to me that if he knew in advance, then why would he allow certain things to happen? If it's all planned out then why ask for forgiveness? God already knows the day you are born whether or not you're going to Heaven. Which, in my opinion, means that all sin is pointless. How can God become disappointed in you and then happy with you when he knew before you were conceived the ways in which you would disappoint him? 

Not only that but there is a song, titled Well Done, which talks about meeting Jesus at the end of your life and hearing "Well Done" - the whole song talks about becoming a better person because you want Jesus to say well done at the end. If Jesus already knows where our lives are going, would he not just know from before day one whether or not a well done will be handed out? What would be his reasons to compel us to become better people if he knew before hand how it would all happen?

It states in the Bible that God is present everywhere, that he knows all and see's all. However I wonder if he doesn't just know what could happen and waits to see what we will do - thus free will. 

Next week they're doing a sermon on why our choices still matter. Since I said I'd give it three weeks, I'll go - and see if any of my questions are answered. If you have any good insight on the topic, please, comment or message me on Facebook!

Why aren't their arms reaching?

So since I have pursued deepening my relationship with the Lord I have also begun craving more Christ centered friendships. I have even gone so far as to message those whom I perceive to have good relationships with God and can help me through the questions I have. And when I say crave, I mean yearn uncontrollably for closer relationships with people who are more mature Christians than myself. The response? Nothing. 

Which leaves me wondering, am I not the kind of person these people want to be friends with? Is there something about me which they perceive to be toxic to their own walk in faith? When I have questions, do they feel that I am inadequate or is it that they themselves feel inadequate to answer those questions? All my life I have been different than most of my friends - which has served me well - it's always been okay that I didn't have people to relate to. It was okay that they couldn't understand losing siblings or parents, that they couldn't understand alcoholism and drug addictions. It was okay when they thought me funny for not wanting to partake in drugs or alcohol. But now, when I am reaching out the most to those who have the kind of relationships with those around them that I would like, I feel isolated. Now I want more than anything to relate. To fit in to "that" crowd. 

Tonight I watched a sermon on how Jesus commands us not to worry, and how he loves us more than he does the birds [Matthew 6:24-27] and that we should trust him to provide for us. Andy Stanley made the statement that what Jesus means is that at the end of the day, if we have done all that we can do, we should take a deep breath and trust him to provide for us how he will. And he will. 

My life is amazing, and even at the worst moments God has shone through with yet another blessing, another life lesson. One of those things I realized tonight is that while the arms of those around me may not be reaching - mine may not be either. For instance, although I messaged those people to hang out, maybe I wasn't assertive enough. I didn't ask for their numbers and pursue making plans. If I am going to ask God for the type of people that i'd like to have in my life - I need to actively pursue those friendships. I need to go to the twenty somethings group I've been looking into for the past month - I need to try harder. 

And then I need to relax. Because I will know, I have done all I can do. 

Have you done all you can? Do you reach out to those who are visibly seeking your friendship in their lives? If not, why? If we are the body of Christ - our hands should be reaching out to those around us. We should be welcoming people into our hearts and into our lives. 

I hate feeling as though I do not have someone to welcome me into their walk with Jesus, to help me understand things that a person not raised with God can't possibly know. I can only imagine how many people walked away from their pursuit of Jesus because nobody loved them back. 

Resisting Temptation: What to tell my children.

So, ever since I was fifteen I have made decisions based on the children I didn't have. This sounds crazy to a lot of people that know this about me but today I feel a little vindicated. Why? Because I watched another Andy Stanley sermon. For those of you not caught up, Andy Stanley's sermons are the inspiration behind my year long challenge. 

When I decided to become celibate I did so as a promise to God. When I took this challenge I decided to even abstain from kissing and other signs of overt sexual affection. Not because I believe kissing to be wrong - but because kissing leads to more; its a temptation. Now although I have kept my promise to abstain from sex - I did transgress further than I had intended. See the other two blogs on that subject. 

The point is, when I spoke with Anthony about why I was so upset [which he understood], one of the things I mentioned was what I was going to tell my children someday. Thank God he is working on becoming a good Christian as well and completely heard me out and even gave me feed back. I told him that I want to be a proud mama, I don't want to be the parent that tells her kids to do and not to do A, B, and C even though I did A, B, and C. That being said I also think that it's important to let your kids know that you will fail sometimes, you will be tempted, you might give in. 

Because God made us human, not Angels, as outlined in Sex God [a book]. 

I used to believe that because I only slept with people I was in a committed relationship with that I wasn't giving into temptations, that I was still being a good woman. However obviously that is a temptation  and this isn't what I want to teach my children; that just because it's not a one night stand, God approves. Just because we are tempted doesn't mean that we give in to those temptations; and that is the crux of what I want them to know. That when we make a decision not to partake in something, we stick by those decisions and what's at stake is much more than that moment, than that small temptation. 

And while I felt dramatic at the moment telling Anthony these things, I felt relieved when, while watching Andy Stanley, he made the statement that when we give into temptations our futures, others futures, and our faith are all at stake. 

Although this sounds dramatic, it rings true. Because in that moment I went beyond my boundaries, I immediately imagined myself telling my children what I believe to be right, and then what my response would be when they asked "Mommy, did you wait?" I already cannot say no but I hope I can tell them a story of growth, of prosperity in my faith. A story of redemption.

When we give in to temptation, even small ones, we are saying that we do not trust God to take care of us. Where would we be had Jesus not resisted the temptation of the Devil while he was in the desert? 

Nobody is perfect, and I don't want to raise self righteous children who judge another's testimony, but I want them to have a good example. I want to be that good example. 


Andy Stanley: Temptation Part 1 A
Andy Stanley: Temptation Part 1B

Society over Jesus

So I feel as though some people may have gotten the wrong impression in my last blog post. While I talked highly of my experience in California and of my experience with someone who knows how to treat a woman - and that I even said I was okay with justification of my actions, I did not mean that I am not still working at bettering myself as a person. I also didn't intend to give the impression that I didn't think I would have learned all those valuable lessons had I followed through with my original goal. That being said I realized something extremely important and troubling; I am putting the opinions of those around me ahead of the opinion of Jesus - the only one whose opinion truly matters. 

I have taken this year to better my relationship with God and myself and in doing so I believe I am learning a lot, and one of those things is how much I value the thoughts and ideas of those around me. In my previous blog I expressed how happy I was at all I learned and how far I had come in knowing what I deserve from just a few short months ago. I was overjoyed with the response I received from friends and family when they found out that I had broken my promise to myself. What I lost sight of is the fact that I broke my promise to God. I got caught up in things of this world, and I lost sight of where I had intended to be.

It's almost embarrassing being so candid in my ups and downs - but I want to be honest. Because while some Christians exude this easy walk with Jesus, it has made it difficult for myself and others to see how failure was ever forgiven. I pray that i'm finding the right words to express myself - because I think it's important to know that everyone falls short of the glory of God. 

I want to be relate-able. I want others to know that the goal is not perfection but merely striving to be a better person in the eyes of God. It would be a shame for me to express the ways in which I succeed and not mention the ways in which I fall short - because that doesn't bring people closer to God, it pushes them into a place where they find Christians to be righteous hypocrites, condemning those around them whenever they trip or fall. 

So, as stated previously, I held back a lot more than some people would while I was in California, but I gave in more than I had intended. And while I learned valuable lessons while I was there - most of those lessons could have been learned without crossing into the non-platonic. They could have been learned even if I had kept my promise to God. So while I fall short yet again, I have come closer to an understanding of where I need to be, and how far I have come. 

In the end I want to be immersed in God's love - and have my cup overflowing with what he intends for me and my life. I want to put his opinion of me above all others - and even when those around me tell me i'm doing a good job - it is more important to know that God feels I am doing a good job. 

Playing With Fire

So I wasn't going to write about this, because it's a little more personal than I choose to divulge. But I decided that since I made the choice to chronical my one year challenge that I need to share everything - not just the good, but the bad, and the necessary. The truth is, this is difficult, more difficult than I had anticipated when I took this journey. As my dad put it, I have done the take away on myself. Before I took this step I was completely content being alone - as I have stated many times before - but since then I have become a little bit TOO interested in human relationships and their place in my life. 

As many of you know I attended the Marine Corps Ball with my friend Anthony this past weekend. He asked me to attend the ball long before I took the challenge and while I considered changing my mind I decided to stick by my word. I had an absolute blast but I didn't hold back as much as I had intended - to clarify, I held back much more than some would. 

That being said, I have to give credit where credit is due. Anthony is a complete gentleman. He offered to sleep in separate rooms, he refrained from holding my hand unless I held his. He never made a move, and he was determined to treat me the way a man should treat a woman. Which may have been my downfall quite honestly. Back to the point. 

I deviated from my original goal and I was upset with myself for doing so - however, I learned some very valuable lessons. Over the past three months whenever I have spoken with Anthony leading up to and during this weekend I have questioned whether or not it was a good idea to speak with him - or if I was crossing my own boundaries of the task at hand. During this trip I realized how much I have learned and am applying to my friendships not only with Anthony but with many other people in my life. 

There is a threshold in which two people have a hard time coming back from once it is crossed. I am being vulnerable here, yes, but I think it should be mentioned. I once thought that people should be able to come back from that threshold once crossed but I now understand that it should never be crossed. To come back is harder than if you never venture there. I have long questioned how people wait until marriage to give themselves away, and other than the fact that they cannot miss what they don't know, I've concluded that many of them never allow it to get that far. They understand their boundaries and they stick to them. 

So while I didn't hold back as much as I wanted - I am not really too upset with myself. Because I learned something extremely valuable about myself and my tendencies to not only blame the man for discrepancies, but in my past I have failed to search out people who have good hearts. 

I paid attention to things I would usually never pay attention to on this trip, and I learned a few things. I learned what it is to be treated like a princess. To feel respected and admired. To be thought of and put first. I learned what it is to hold hands and to laugh without motives. I learned how to pray with somebody in a room full of people. I learned what it felt like to be looked at like you were the only one in the room. I learned where my boundaries lie and what it's like to have someone who doesn't cross those boundaries, without your permission. I learned that there are people who listen whole heartedly to what you have to say. There are people who appreciate you for exactly who you are. That when you are treated that way, you want to treat the other person the same. I got a first hand example of the type of man I have been reading about for the past three months. 

So although I have long questioned whether it was a good idea to talk to Anthony as much as I do, and whether it is a good idea to "practice" various concepts on him; this weekend, I got my answer. 

Some may call this justification, and it just might be. Thats okay with me. 

To Marry Your Best Friend.

Kassie is my best friend. If you know me, chances are, you know this simple truth. However that doesn't mean you know Kassie. I live with her, talk to her everyday, and she knows everything about me. But some of my friends have only seen her in passing - it sounds like i'm talking about a stuffed animal here but I can assure you, she's real. The thing is Kassie and I are complete opposites.

Sure, throughout our friendship we have become more and more alike but in those basic fundamental ways we are far from a like. We have different tastes in music, men, food, dancing, dress, decoration styles, and expression. But Kassie and I have something most friends do not have - we have history and acceptance of the others flaws and awesomeness. Kassie and I have accepted each other for who we are, basically. 

Why am I talking about my best girlfriend when the title of this post is "To Marry Your Best Friend" well no I am not considering swinging the opposite way - but Kassie is my best friend and the other day it dawned on me that I want a relationship like we have when I get married. 

For instance, when Kassie wakes up in the morning, even though she hates uttering even a breath when she rolls out of bed she says "good morning," because she knows I like hearing good morning. And the other day when I was doing something or saying something [ I can't remember ] I told someone how Kassie would feel about something because I love her and I know her. So I made sure of this thing. That's when it hit me. Kassie and I think of each other when we do things. Even when we know we don't want to do something. We keep the other person's feelings in mind and we have accepted our fighting styles, our laughing styles, we don't get [too] offended when the other isn't up to par that day and we still love each other after we're angry. We hardly hold things against one another for months or weeks or even days - not that we're perfect at that either. We always say I love you and we make sure to make time for one another. We know that we can NOT forget each others birthdays and we leave notes for each other when life gets messy. 

Is Kassie the perfect husband or WHAT?!?! Just kidding, but seriously. On this year journey, and long before, I have made it a point to ask what people like about their marriages and what they don't. I read books about good relationships and I listen to what the pastor says in church about being a good partner. Yet here I am, with my best friend, and we have it down pretty good. 

I told Kassie the other day that if I could find a man and we had all these same things - plus more [obviously] then I would have found the love of my life. She then pointed out that we weren't always like this. In the beginning of our friendship we fought, compared one another to the other, and had a general mistrust of the other but over the past 8 years we have built something great. I don't want a relationship that starts out with arguing because that leads to resentment but I want to understand that love, like friendships, age. Relationships take time for two people to get to know the other, to appreciate all that the person is made of, and to accept with love the others differences. To fight and make it through stronger, and to make think of the other persons feelings when you're doing something. 

Kassie and I have even found that we have grown apart, only to grow back together, and we're not afraid to point these moments out - when we don't understand the other person or how they've become. We say things out loud, with honesty, in an attempt to get back to where we were - thank God we usually make it back, better than before. Even when I am angry with her or annoyed or I feel unappreciated, etc - I could not turn my back on my best friend. We have made it through what most friendships do not and even in the middle of an argument we don't turn to another and say "Kassie/Heather is no longer my best friend." We have each others backs, we support each other, and we go out of our way to be a good person in the others life. We bring each other up, not tear each other down, and we work on communicating all the time. 

So when I am looking for examples on how to honor 1 Corinthians 13 or the type of relationship I want with my future husband, all I have to do is look to my best friend, because we have learned what it takes to make a relationship work, to grow together, and to love each other no matter what happens. That's what I want in a husband some day, and how lucky am I that I have that in a best friend as well? 

Jesus is my . . . boyfriend?

I believe I've mentioned this book before, but I am reading the book Sex God by Rob Bell, and it is fantastic. I recently read the chapter titled "Under the Chuppah." 

A chuppah is something used in Jewish weddings, I believe it is used for more but I am no expert. Anyway,  when two people are married they stand under the chuppah. In the Bible the chuppah is also a prayer cloth or something to that effect, which symbolizes being under God or connected to God - something along those lines. The chuppah is used in a marriage ceremony to signify the union of these two people under God and with God.

Once these people were married, in the old times, they were whisked off to their room to consecrate their marriage. During this time people would wait outside until they were done - and once they were, a celebration would ensue, for days on end. Sex was something that came with marriage. 

Rob then gets into the passages pertaining to men marring women whom they've slept with. There are two, very controversial passages here, one which states that if a man sleeps with a woman promised to someone else he must marry her and pay the bride price for her. Another states that if a man rapes a virgin he must pay her bride price and marry her as well. This is why I love this book, because he then explains these passages. Maybe not the way every other pastor would but in a way that I could understand, because those were hard for me to read when I came to that part in the Bible. 

Anyway, during that period in history women had no value. If a man wanted to rape a woman he could, with no consequences, leaving this woman "dirty" or unfit for marriage as they saw her. She was no longer wanted as a wife because someone had slept with her. And by sleeping with a woman promised to someone else, he could walk away and her husband would obviously no longer want her. So by commanding that these men had to marry these women - to provide for them, to feed them, clothe them, and to house them God was giving them consequences for their actions. We hear people say that God was twisted but really these people were twisted much more so without this law. They were ALLOWED to rape women because women had NO WORTH. 

Which isn't even the point of my blog. The point of my blog comes later in the chapter. Where it is stated that sex symbolized marriage to God. When we have sex we have given everything of ourselves. Really I could not summarize this chapter in so few words. The chapter speaks of agape (ahh-gahh-pay). selfless, giving love. of men dying for their wives. of women holding out for the man that will die for them, give for them, agape them. 

At some point Rob somehow makes the parallel between premarital sex and us cheating on God. That's right - cheating on God. 

They were married under the chuppah to signify the union of two people under and with God - but the marriage was not final until they had sex. As one person under God, with God. 

So, that got me thinking of the other night when a guy asked if I was available, and I said "no" he said "Oh you have a boyfriend" and I said "not exactly, I'm just taken" ::funny stare:: and I replied "by Jesus" - worst looks ever, followed by laughter. I felt silly, yes, but I have taken this year challenge so I am technically not available. 

After reading this I thought, really - I am taken by Jesus. To give myself to another, without the blessing of God is to cheat on God and the things which he has given me to give to my husband. I know I obviously do not have that to give anymore - but if someone were to cheat on their husband would it be okay to continue doing so just because they've done it before? Easy answer when it's put in that context. No.

So that got me thinking, if I am Gods then shouldn't I live my life as if he were my  . . . boyfriend? Which then had me wondering how that played in to my life once I can start dating again. Would I flirt with another man if I were taken? Would I date other men if I were accounted for? 

Obviously those are extreme questions. The point is that sex is sacred, meant for a marriage. And dating multiple people is not wrong, its giving yourself dishonestly to multiple people that becomes the real problem. So reserving myself for the person I marry while remaining faithful to God is the real point here. But the point is a big point, a testament few can commit to, including myself.

I'd like to stand, in the eyes of God, and get married with the knowledge that I can be faithful, that I have been faithful - to the one that matters most, to the one who already has laid down his life for me.

Room For One More?

I was talking to a friend last night. As I sat and listened to them talking about their dreams: where they'd live, what they want, how they want it. While they spoke, I wondered if there were room for anyone else in those dreams. 

This person was so adamant  about their life goals that it seemed as though there could be room for nobody else's dreams or goals. My next thought was "am I like this?" I began tracing back to all the things I tell those around me. About my dreams of vet school and a farm, of a big family, of how I want my wedding [yes this just so happens to be all planned out] and I wondered, do I leave room for anybody else? 

This train of thought I was on instantly took me back to a time, I was dating this guy in Colorado, I've blogged of him before. When we broke up he said to me "Heather I just don't think i'm what you're looking for, I don't think I can give you what you want." At the time, of course, I was sure this wasn't true. I was appalled that someone thought I wanted so much - so much that they would be unable to give those things to me. As if I needed someone to give them to me. Then listening to my friend last night, I realized exactly how he felt when he said that to me. With dreams SO BIG and SO PRECISE how can anybody else's dreams come in? Because we all have dreams. They are each our own. The "problem" isn't that we have our own dreams, it's that it takes two to tango. Two people with different ideas, maybe the basics are the same, but when you get down to it - the differences are vast. 

When I speak of my desires, do I do so in a way where the other person wonders where they fit in? Although I am sure I do, I hope I learn not to. Because while my dreams are large and pretty exact - I am only dreaming with the knowledge that these dreams can be shaped. The ultimate goal is to find my best friend, to give and to take ideas - to mesh together two sets of hopes. I want someone who will ask me what my ideas are and tell me theirs and we'll figure it out together. Input. 

I was reading an article about a couple who bought a property and their designer had them write a list of exactly what they wanted in a house. This couple decided to do so in different places and compare lists. While much of their ideas were the same - some were different. They had to compromise, to get these lists down to one. It ended happily ever after and they got their home and each had things they wanted - and didn't have some as well. 

I do not want to get so focused on my goals that I don't leave room for someone else. That I exclude the hopes and dreams of the person God has intended me for. I don't want to be so "stuck in my ways" if you will, that I am unable to waver from such a path of determination. Of selfish abandon; that I must obtain all the desires of my heart without deviating by allowing room for another.

I want my dreams to be "we want," not just "I want."

Fear of failing

My original inspiration for this post was simple: my test grades. Plainly stated - I screwed up on both my exams for Biology and Chemistry. I love Chemistry, and I got a C on my first big exam. Fail. Once I got my test back I realized that what I got wrong was what I failed to study - go figure! Biology exam - I wrote a 400 question study guide and spent hours studying. Only to end up with a big.fat.D. :: update - I contested one of my answers and did an extra credit point - now I have a C!! :: 

I got that test back today and guess what? I failed to answer 22 points worth of questions! As the professor went over the answers I skipped ahead and answered those questions, when I corrected them I realized I would have had a B+! At this point it's hilarious, I made a dumb mistake and I paid for it. I [hopefully] learned my lessons for the next exams. However, this original inspiration reminded me once again of something I have been learning about myself over the past week. Because originally my test grades were far from comical. In fact I cried, a lot, about not only about getting bad grades but my mortal fear of not making it into Vet school. Which brings me to the biggest point. 

I live my life in fear. 

More fear than any of those who knows me or I am willing to observe. In some aspects I am glad of this fear. This fear has prevented me from doing drugs, drinking and driving, dating strange men, getting black out drunk, and the list of horribly fateful decisions continues. 

However, this fear has also permeated my academics and my love life. In regards to the academics I have never cried nor cared this much about a class. When I failed before, or got a bad grade, I simply gave in. I decided that the class was to blame and that I just would wait to get my good grade in the next class. This has worked so far because I have had mostly fluff social courses - save a few my senior year. However now I'm in science and lets be honest, you cannot B.S your way through molarity and covalent bonds. Now I have something much bigger to lose. I have a passion. 

I always prayed for a passion. I envied those around me who knew what they wanted and chased it with absolute abandon. I waited rather impatiently for the day when It would strike me, this passion I so eagerly sought. Then it did. And I realized something - passions are scary. Wanting something so bad is horrifying. Because failure is not an option. Well then, if failure is not an option, what do you do when you fail? 

I cried over my tests. I cried not because you cannot recover but because I don't want to lose. It was never really okay with me if I failed in school but I would have rather not let it get to me then invest so much of myself, only to fail. I'm realizing more and more that it's totally worth it - but I must admit, it's scary. 

Not only do i choose the apathetic route in school, but also in love. 

While reading these books and observing those around me who have found themselves in happy marriages and at a good point in life I came to the conclusion that I also fear love. 
Blame my upbringing and the horrible examples of love I had to follow. Blame the media and their lousy portrayal of healthy relationships. Blame a host of other things but what it truly comes down to is yet again, my fear of failing. 

A good-friend-of-mine-turned-boyfriend-turned-ex is getting married. It was hard to handle at first - for reasons unbeknownst to me. Because honestly he is not somebody I wanted to marry. He isn't someone I was proud to show off. He isn't somebody that I gave my whole heart to. He isn't even somebody I wanted to love. But he is exactly who she loves, who she's proud to show off, who she gives her whole heart to, the person she wants to marry. 

I looked back on our relationship, and the relationships I had with others and I realized my lack of honesty when it came to feelings. Not only that but my lack of commitment and showering of affection. Not that I was unfaithful but more that I gave the attitude that I didn't care where the relationship ended up. Not only that but I failed to give passionately of myself and my time. I never wanted to give more than the other person was giving me. 

Some would say this is smart. I disagree. I think that you deserve to get back exactly what you give. Now if you continually give way more than you receive, by all means - get the hell out. However, if you hold back, are dishonest, hide feelings, withhold affection, etc - and then get upset when you aren't rewarded those things, I do not feel sorry for you. 

Which is why I do not feel sorry for me. Referencing the previous section, pertaining to academics, once again my decisions not to give of myself and to love and basically all of 1 Chorinthians 13 come down to fear. Why? because I was afraid to fail, afraid to lose. 

When you're a child you have no concept of loss, therefore you love. You love wildly anything that strikes your fancy. Then those things are taken from you and you learn quickly not to get too attached. So you stop. You stop loving wholly from within. Because what if it's taken away? The object of your affection. Or worse - what if it doesn't love you back? 

I pretended not to care and failed to give the most important pieces out of fear; because once again, although I am learning by example that love is completely worth it, complete vulnerability is utterly terrifying. 

So I will take these new found lessons and apply them to the rest of my journey as best I can. Remembering that life is better with passion - in every form. Because it is better to have passionately pursued everything and to lose, knowing you gave it your all, then to gain something you could hardly care to have. 

High as a kite and I ain't ever coming down . . .

I was going to go search out concrete statistics regarding the death rate among people aged 15-21 who died every year from drugs and alcohol. Then I realized something, there is no such thing as "concrete" in statistics and so, instead, i'll tell my own story. 

I am 22 years old and I know, personally, and through friends, of 8 people who have died in the past four years from drugs or alcohol. This doesn't even count the people I don't know. Or the people I'm forgetting to count. That's one person every 6 months since I left high school. But lets leave death out of this. 

The number of kids I went to high school with who have done nothing with their lives save go to jail, rehab, or gotten a DUI is astronomical. The smartest kids I knew during those four years have found their way to heroin, blow, meth, and I am sure - this new drug Smiles - as well as molly, LCD, Ecstasy, alcohol, Oh and how could I forget, pills pills pills. So many prescription pills doctors hand out to anyone with a good enough excuse to take them, A good enough excuse and damn good acting skills. As well as a plethora of other substances of which I don't know the name. So these once straight A dream filled, wide-eyed teens have grown into dilated-eyed, mind screwed, hopeless people - looking for their next fix or holding on for dear life at the months of sobriety they've found, praying they don't get bored enough to fall back into it. 

I know, i'm painting a grim picture here. I know, they're "young" and experiencing new things. I know - most kids come out, unscathed. Look at the people who lived during the 60's and 70's - no really, look at them. I rest my case. 

Two teens died in a 24 hour period from this drug "smiles?" Why? Why are some kids so "decision challenged" and others decide to actually do something productive with their time? I am deathly afraid of having children.

My heart aches for what we could be doing. Where we could be in life. It's the people who believe they can change the world who can. I know this sounds naive but is it really? Why is it crazier to want to help change the world than to sit on my ass and do drugs "for fun?" Why is it crazy to believe in love and loyal dogs, and people saving each other and it's not crazy to people at all when another person dies or kills under the influence? When did that become the "normal?" When did that become reality? 

Reality is, kids do what's cool. Kids do what's available in their friend groups. Kids are the most easily moldable and pressured people there are - and in their quest to prove us wrong, they do exactly what we all expect. I am praying like hell for the next generation. Pleeeeease be smarter, please care about something bigger and better than the next high - because you're not just "having fun," you're hindering the world from moving forward.

Up Tight

I'm uptight. I always thought I was so laid back, and in a lot of ways I am, but in a lot more ways - i'm not. 

Last night I was telling my brother about Carl. The guy I dated when I first got to Colorado. I refused to be Carl's "girlfriend" because he smoked weed once or twice a week and didn't have a home. I know this obviously sounds smart of me - but in all reality my reasons were flawed, for I refused to be CALLED his girlfriend - despite spending four days a week with him going on dates, having long conversations, etc. 

Carl was full of life, a life that cannot be explained. When we "broke up" I was mad at him because he didn't want to talk to me while I was crying. Valid point, to this day, I believe - but nevertheless. I called Carl two months later in a fit of drama and asked him what was wrong with me [wow, can I get more vulnerable here?] he replied "Heather, you take life too seriously, who cares if you fall in love right away - who cares if the person you're dating is FOR SURE the one you're going to marry, don't take life so seriously." Two months later, Carl died. The wonderful, magnanimous, life-loving, pot-smoking, couch-hopping, tender person who inspired my love for "Free Bird," left the Earth, leaving a legacy for all who knew him. 

I am easily amused with little things, I can laugh for a full five minutes. I don't get mad at other peoples points of view very easily. And overall, I think laughter is the best medicine. However, I carefully over analyze everything I say to a child because it MIGHT be the defining life lesson they get from me. I preach to people about their drinking habits when we're at a bar. I cannot handle the way girls giggle super loud when they drink too much. I think bass in a car is a huge burden on everyone in their cars around you. Loud music is the bane of my existence, to put it melodramatically. The ridiculousness of women needing to do everything with a friend makes me gag. And yes, I question if every man I date is the man I could marry. I do think it is a waste of time to date someone once you realize they're not "the one" and I over analyze every thing that my date says to me - applying it to the future. Not only that but I keep a knife next to my bed "just in case" someone decides to break into my room, and I check in my closet before bed every night - even though someone could definitely not fit in there. I just knocked on wood. Seriously? 

There are certain things to take seriously, like school and work, children and marriage. Planning for your future is fine, but not at the expense of enjoying every moment now. People will make bad decisions, and some will consequently so, ruin their own live. Others  will make bad decisions and won't ruin their lives. I have met plenty of women who were friends with their husbands long before they ever even had a romantic inclination and they're still madly in love - without having to fall right away. And who really cares anyway? If someone wants to get drunk and sloppy, what business of mine is it? It's not. The way another person chooses to live their lives is not up to my own scrupulosity. 

I'm rambling. The point is, I need to let go. Carl died three years ago - and I still remind myself daily of his advice to "not take life too seriously," it's really only life. It's my job to love, it's Jesus's job to save.  

Family Matters and Creating Youself

There are more things to say than hours in the day, so I am forced to choose between topics. What I hate about this is that each topic seems genuinely important to me but once the moment has passed, I feel no need to blog it. Thus the reason I chose two topics for my OYC [one year challenge] blog post. 

Exhibit A. Family Matters

During this time I've chosen to read several books on relationship building, self acceptance, successful relationship propaganda, and most importantly issues related to finding God in yourself and your partner. One recurring theme seems to be the opinion of those closest to you. There are those who tell you that this isn't important, that love withstands in spite of the opinions of others. I used to agree. I don't anymore. The reason I don't is simple - I have dated men that my family and friends didn't like, and that was okay except that I wanted to share my joy with my friends and with my family and the lack of joy when they were around each other caused friction and pain in the relationship. How wonderful it would be for the two families to become one big giant family. Like my sister and her husband - they hit the jackpot when it comes to in laws and friends - everyone loves each other.

Which brings me to my next point. My fear. [Dear family members who may be reading this, please do not take offence, our family has caused you as much pain as myself and those in our family could only truly understand the following.] I am deathly afraid that the person I love will not love my family the way I do. It's been my experience that those who meet my family are pretty shocked and even judgmental. They hurl insults my way in reference to my family - insults that wound my pride. Truth be told, I don't want someone who "fits in" with my family. Nobody could fit in with my family, really. But above that, there are things about my family that I do not want to repeat in my life, or in the life of my children - how, then, do you find the person that not only gets along with your family, but is not like them?

I feel as if the answer is plain as day. My family is beautiful, though broken in many ways, and most peoples families, even those with seemingly perfect ones, have their flaws. The goal is to find someone who recognizes those flaws and realizes that I may have come from that but have chosen to be nothing like that. Somebody who realizes that we cannot make decisions for our loved ones, someone who accepts and loves me for all that I am made of and all that I have chosen to become.

Which brings me to my next point: creating myself. 

One of my favorite quotes has always been, and may always be, "Life is not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself." I used to live by this. However, driving home tonight I was listening to the song "Stay the Night" by James Blunt and it hit me how much I LOVE music, I actually crave it. Not only that but all of the sudden I love Chemistry. I also love flat canvas shoes and the Earth lol. I sometimes get sick and tired of Country music, and some days I think it would be alright to live in the city after college for a while. Shocking as it may seem, I have even thought maybe 6 kids is too many. 

I know I have chosen to be someone who doesn't drink, or smoke, or do drugs. I have chosen to love God and to follow Jesus. I have chosen to be the girl who drops everything for her friends. I have also chosen a plethora of other things but during this year of concentrating on myself, and only myself, I feel as though I am discovering myself more than I had anticipated - and not to be conceded, but I like myself. I think before, in the process of trying to only create myself I actually suppressed parts of myself for fears of being different than who I had intended. 

It's okay if I don't always want to wear cowboy boots to the country bar. Or listen to country music. 

It's okay if my husband only wants 4 kids. Or if I live in the city for a while. 

It's okay to have many different sides, because I came from many different places, and all those pieces make me beautiful. 

First Chemistry Quiz

Boring title, right? Well that may be - but the truth is, I am distraught over this quiz. Why? Because I got a 60 percent. I know, I know, there are much worse things in life than getting a 60 percent on a quiz. I promise I will get to that later, but for now, I am heartbroken. 

I am on my way to vet school - or so I am praying and hoping all of the time. I have never enjoyed the sciences but I know this is where God is taking me. So here I sat, pretty confident in my abilities to do an open book quiz. Yet I get a D - maybe it was the fact that it was timed, maybe I am just a dumbass. Either way, I got a D. 

I am mad at myself for getting a D on an open book quiz. I am mad at myself for not taking time to really think it through, and I am mad at myself for getting a bad grade when the next 6 years depends on how I do in these courses. I cannot fail. I will not fail. 

Trying to be optimistic because this is one quiz, out of many - and I can do better. I have to do better. I will just have to change my studying techniques and make sure I truly know the material. 

I still have a roof over my head, money in my pockets, and a heart that beats wildly and lovingly for this world and all God has blessed me with. So really, a D ain't the end of the world. I will just do better next time. 

UPDATE!!! I actually got a B!!! The professor had two answers wrong!! :) 

Love Should Not Be Mediocre

Ask me a year ago and I would have told you that love is not butterflies. That butterflies fly away, and when they're gone it is what is left that love is made of. I figured I should just skip the butterflies and get to the real deal - the hard part. 

I remember having butterflies - with my first love. When I see him it's obvious those butterflies have since flown far away. But for a time we loved like people talk about. I was hopelessly and passionately head over heels for this high school teen. Sometimes I would cry just staring at him and I seriously thought it would never end. 

It did end. and maybe that's where my journey of loveless relationships began. I have never considered this until now - never thought deeply into it until this year long challenge. Now is the time though, because through out this year I am supposed to move on from childhood pain and resentments - even when I forget they're there. 

Maybe when my simple teenage love came to an end I was so heartbroken I made a subconscious decision to skip the fun part. To skip the "I love you's till forever and always" - believing that if I got to the comfortable boring part then my heart would never really break. So far, it's worked. It hurts when my relationships end but nothing heart wrenching and stomach twisting. Nothing sickening - I cry if only for those whose hearts I have broken. Even when I thought I loved them.

Then there are the couple that I have loved - the butterflies and the anguish - but I never told. I never told two people how much they mattered, because I was not as important to them as they were to me. I'm not saying this in some dramatic girly way - i'm saying this because they both told me that exact sentence. 

While one of these men was a great catch - treated me like a princess - the other was a bad boy, the type to love and leave quicker than that four letter word could by uttered. None the less - they gave me butterflies and a yearning to take on the world with them.


It was over a year ago that a friend of mine posted a quote - the one pictured here - and I laughed. Thinking, "Good luck girl" love IS mediocre - after all is said and done. But I found myself today, reading it and thinking - that's how it should be, that's what I want.  

Basically I am learning, slowly, that I want butterflies and the uncontrollable need to be with someone - even if the butterflies fly away - they will return someday. Or so I am told, by those with the marriages I envy most. I want my best-friend and extraordinary partner, to take on the world. Love is only mediocre when you let it be - when you give in to mediocrity. 

All we have is now - in so many moments.

Church today was about What God has called us each to do. It was about the passion that is stirred in our heart each day by God - the things he lays on our hearts and where he expects us to take that passion. Pastor John made the statement that if we are doing something in life for ourselves then we are acting out of lust, not passion. Our passions should be something that benefits those around us.

This of course got me wondering what it is that I do for those around me. What i'm passionate about. I know that God is calling me to go to Vet school, and while I do not know why - I know that's where he's leading me. However, I cannot say I feel passionate - as if I were born to do this. That being said, I love animals and the relationships we have with them as well as the roles they conduct in our lives. 

I also considered that making people smile or happy was my passion. I get ridiculously giddy when I can make someones day or get them to laugh. My drug is hearing someone call me with a problem and telling me thank you because I have in some way helped - even if a little. I don't know if that's what God is searching for - because you can't make a living making peoples days - however, you can make a life :) 

John ended service by having us hold our hands over our hearts and feel them beat. He then states that one day this heart would stop beating and what would we do with that heart while we were alive. This moment in the a.m led me to the moments leading up to the p.m - Lauren's memorial service. 

I wore my big pink tutu and walked into the funeral alone. I sat stood there as her grandmother and aunt told me how wonderful my tutu was and that Lauren would have loved it! As I sat in the seats staring at the slideshow I remembered Pastor John talking about how one day our hearts will stop beating, and what did we do that that time here - how did we shine a light for others? Lauren shone a light for so many with her sobriety and love for God - it was apparent by the hundreds present that Lauren made peoples lives special. 

Being confronted with death makes you wonder how people would talk about you after you were gone, what they would say and how they would feel. Would our passions be apparent? Were we living for God and letting people see the beautiful side of that relationship? Essentially - how was the dash between the dates? These things have been on my mind all day - i'm not sure what my passions are or what people would say when I am gone - all I can do is pray. 


It was beautiful watching Lauren's lantern float away, lighting up the sky - just as Lauren has done in life and will do in death.

We'll meet in the middle ?

So, more thoughts on this whole one year challenge bit. If the one year challenge and/or my journey to Vet school is of no interest to you - I should warn you now - that those are going to be the topics of this blog from here on out :) you have been warned. 

Now, back to the subject matter. I was thinking today, after a series of run ins with a couple men whom I found myself attracted to, about the importance of common goals. Strange, I know. Most people tell me that this is extremely important but I wonder how important it truly is in comparison to the love you share. 

For example, if I were to meet the man of my dreams - feelings wise, chemistry is great, friendship great, trust, honesty, a love for God. Its all there - however, we have fairly different goals which include but are not limited to job, lifestyle, number of children, place [farm vs. city], etc. - how much does that matter?

It seems to me that there are plenty of unhappy people who married because all of their goals matched up but none of the foundation was there. Equally it seems as though many people married for the feelings and ended up unhappy at the realization that neither had the same goals. And with that there are people who find each other, fall madly in love and somehow incorporate the dreams of one another into their lives. 

I feel as though I just got a bingo. Maybe this blog is really only for me - to type out my thoughts and have random epiphanys. Thank you Lord. I think the point is that by the end of this year I should have worked not only on patience, kindness, boasting, but - as stated in the sermons - not looking to self serve. Love is not self serving. Part of being in a happy marriage is being able to blend goals and dreams. In order to do that though everything else has to be there - patience, trust, consideration, and the rest of 1 Corinthians 13. 

I'm working on this.boom. 

The end of a journey: Closing Statements

So I am done. I have been done for a good two weeks at this point. I am done with my road trip. I have been so busy with Sarah's wedding and other such shenanigans that I haven't had the time to blog about all that I have seen and loved and finished. So here is goes. 

This summer has gone by so quickly that I hardly remember the time. I swear it's as if I blinked and obtained three months worth of memories and no days, weeks, or months to account for in between, however we know this is not true and I have in fact been gone for three months. 

A few of my firsts this summer: I took a mail boat around Lake Geneva. Saw Amish people till their land in Pennsylvania. I walked the skyline in New York, went to the MET, Attended the street fair in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I meandered my way through Boston while on the Freedom Tour, fished in the ocean in Cape Cod, went qouhogging, descaled a fish. I took the train from Maryland to D.C twice, I went on a boat ride in D.C, saw Jackie O's grave. I stayed in our very first state, Delaware. I went cliff jumping, water skiing, kayaking, and fly fishing with the Venture Crew in Tennessee, all of which I had always wanted to do. I even got tricked into Snipe hunting ;) I stood on the porch of the house Elvis was born in, ate purple hull peas [yum], and painted my very first cabinets. Danced in Nashville.

 Saw the Country Music Hall of Fame. Ate 10 smore's in one day. I walked Bourbon St. I took a swamp tour and held a baby alligator. Saw Louisiana. Porch honky. I went into a batting cage and hit 7 balls! Went swimming in a waterfall in the USA - in Oklahoma. Went horseback riding  to the point of near death.
 Saw the countries largest prairie dog - at a prairie dog museum. I learned that Wyoming, although bigger than Minnesota, has only 200,000 more people than Minneapolis! I saw Mount Rushmore. I drove for over 5,000 miles by myself and stayed in 13 wonderful states. 

I wish I could put into tangible words how much I took from this trip and how much I learned about the people I love.  I don't know if I've gone through any profound personal change but I feel different than the girl I was when I left on this journey. I feel more at ease with myself, more ready for life, and maybe - just maybe - a little less restless, we'll see how long that lasts. Oh yes, and I confirmed that I LOVE Minnesota.

I am so grateful for the people who welcomed me into their homes and hearts. Those people whom I had hours of talks with and learned so much about where they've been and what they've seen. I was treated so nicely by everyone I encountered. People were friendly and welcoming - they wanted to know me and to show me their world. For that I am ever thankful. I did in three months what most people take years to do, if they do it at all - and i'll tell you, it has been an overwhelming fast paced ride. But one I would recommend to anyone. Turns out quitting your jobs isn't such a risk after all, I found a job within two days of coming home! 

So, If you have the opportunity to fly down the free way, freedom style. To let the wind in your sails to nowhere. If you get the chance to take off and learn to love life and this beautiful country we live in - I suggest taking it. Take that chance and run, bike, fly, drive with it. because you only live once. 

One Year Challenge: Challenges

So in approximately 4 days I will be one month into my year off of dating and anything male related. I finally got around to watching the fourth and final video in the sex, love, and dating series by Andy Stanley and learned what I am supposed to do during this year. First and foremost - get over any childhood issues. 

Really? Now I believe that I am pretty close to being over my childhood issues but in all honesty each time I start a new relationship they come up, blaring me in the face, taunting me with "what ifs" in my new found happiness. Ultimately causing an unhappy couple. However, my biggest question remains, how will I know if i'm over them when so many times before I thought myself to be over it. Maybe I'll never be over them and Andy is advising that we use God to help us rise above those issues, to learn to move forward even with the pain. 

Secondly we have to get out of debt, which save for my college and car loans I am already not in debt so I think I can put a check in that box. 

Here's the kicker about this whole thing. Previous to taking the year challenge I was perfectly happy being single. I love being single. I love going where I want, when I want, doing what I want, how I want it. I don't get "lonely" or wish someone would "snuggle" with me - just the word snuggle makes me cringe. I like my space in my bed, I don't need to be connected to someone to feel comfortable sleeping. But something crazy has happened in this past month - I actually want to fall in love. 

Here's my hypothesis. What with my sisters wedding and this challenge of bettering myself for my future mate, I have begun to realize that what I like about being single is not having to deal with the wrong people. Maybe I never "didn't like relationships" - I just didn't like the ones I was in and I translated that to every relationship. 

For instance one of my dear friends was at my sisters wedding, I asked her how she and her husband had met. She told me that they were friends for a few years first, she had even hooked him up with a couple of his ex girlfriends. One day she realized she wanted to be with him and invited him to some kind of social event. At this event he left her alone - he let her do her thing, coming up to her just enough to let her know he was there and interested. He didn't ignore her and leave her feeling attention starved and he didn't hover like some love sick psycho path. I realized then that there is an in-between. I realized then that I wanted my best friend. 

Sure love gets crazy and annoying and the other person will want and I will have to give and vice versa - but that's part of the patience and consideration I am working on during this year. Here I am, less than one month in, and I'm already feeling it. I'm already impatient. Surprise ;) 

Not that I've found anyone I'd even come close to wanting to date, but I still pray for the patience to work this through to the end - coming out a better person not only for that future whoever, but also for myself. Stronger in my relationship with me and my God :) 

Lauren "Lo"

I just found out you've passed away. Heaven got an angel. I can't find the tears to cry or the words to say, it's shocking and so unexpected. I don't know if it's because this has become so normal - to go on facebook and find another one gone. Or maybe its that we had made so many plans for when I got back to Minnesota, plans that I haven't accepted will not happen. Plans to go to the beach or to uptown. Plans to order shirley temples or join a bible study together with Elle.

I sit here silently in Cape Cod, wondering where the words will come from - where the words will go. My heart aches for those around you, those who will miss you. My heart aches for the best friends who will not have you to call and for those whose worlds just lost a little light - this world lost a little light. Your smile could brighten any room, your laughter was infectious, your sense of style enviable and your love for the Lord thirst quenching. 

Through reading your posts I found myself drawn more to God each day and my heart yearns for a closer relationship with Him, a relationship that you yourself had. Watching you was inspiring and I am so proud to say that we were friends. I only wish that we could have built on that friendship as we had planned. 

I can only imagine that the reason I am not crying is because I know that you are with God and that you knew you would someday see him. That you would someday go home. Maybe God will not let those tears flow because as you have said so many times, he has a plan - and his plan was to take you home. Your life has saved so many before this day and will save so many here after. See you in heaven Lo, see you at home. 

Denver: Final Fling Before The Ring

My beautiful sister is getting married. That's right, her moment in time has come. Greg couldn't be a better fit for our family if he tried and I am beyond happy for them - but before they get to the them, we had to celebrate her. Sarah as a bachelorette. What better way to do so than with a bachelorette party! 


Andrea and I had been keeping Sarah out of the loop for a good month about the party - everything was a total surprise to her. When she arrived at the house she was visibly anxious, awaiting the days activities. She would ask questions like "Where we're going will I need . . ." and "Will we be coming back here?" Everybody knows I absolutely love surprises, even when they're not for me, so I was giddy with secrets. 


Of course, when you get 7 women together someone is bound to blurt something out and when Andrea did, thank God Sarah didn't hear. The second time, however, we didn't get so lucky and one of the girls exclaimed, while standing right next to Sarah, "So are we all getting pedis??" and Sarah shot us a look and grinned. Said person felt horrible but Sarah was excited, and we all laughed because she had just spent the morning painting her fingers and toes - making her late. So it was off to Tootsies Nails in Denver, where you can drink champagne and bring appetizers if you please, our choice was watermelon. Being the MOH I got to sit next to Sarah which made me more excited than I bet she realizes. I often do not force myself next to someone but I wanted to be right by her, so when she asked me to go with her I beamed ha! 

Once nails were complete we headed back to the house to wait for our next surprise. An hour and a half of games and mingling, appetizer eating and wine drinking, went by before the people arrived for Bottle and Bottega. This time it was a complete surprise and when they arrived at the door Sarah looked worried, she thought we had gotten a noise complaint haha! Once they began bringing in there paint supplies she looked confused and then when the canvases and easels popped up she got excited. So excited in fact that later she drank her paint water. Don't worry, they warned us before hand that it wasn't toxic and happened quite frequently. We all swarmed around our creations and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves. I would HIGHLY recommend doing this at any kind of party. 


After bottle and bottega it was time for dinner - as we were boarding the light rail Andrea let it slip that we were going to Osteria Marco for dinner - Sarah's eyes lit up because she had never been there. We arrived and gorged ourselves on olives, salads, pizza, and chocolate torte. We also feasted our eyes on the Magic Mike waiter when Andrea tried to take his shirt off - no big deal! Once we were finished stripping the waiter and eating our fair share we went out to celebrate on the town. 


We went from bar to bar playing trivia games and completing punishments for those who got their trivia wrong. My favorite was when Sarah had to sing and act out "I'm a little teapot" while standing on a chair! She owned it! She also had to take pictures with random men who fit her "Scavenger Hunk" throughout the night. We never completed it but Sarah was determined to find the exact guys not just ones who looked like them. 




The night ended with a final lightrail ride home, complete with a drunken dumb guy who tried to sit with Andrea and Sarah - causing Sarah to chew him out and give him a lesson in manners. He told us he wasn't getting married because he wanted to travel and she said "Oh THATS not why you're not married" hahaha!! I love her. 


The next morning I woke up early to drink coffee before making delicious french toast and bacon for the bachelorette brunch. We added strawberries and whipped cream and viola! It was delicious. I would call the bachelorette party and brunch a huge success! Now I look forward to celebrating their marriage in Cape Cod this coming week!