Most of you are aware that I was in a pretty serious head on collision a few weeks ago, which resulted in a broken right hand, a mysterious knee injury, and two brain injuries. Consequently I was having headaches and serious mood swings, meaning that many of my thoughts become very aggravated and I am easily frustrated. The doctors say this is normal for the area of the brain the wounds were sustained. The doctors decided to put me on an anti-seizure medicine to help with my headaches and mood swings, apparently they often give the same one to people with bipolar disorder.
Needless to say after almost a month I am starting to feel more like me, I'm still suffering from some of the brain injuries but my mood is starting to return to normal. I'm less aggravated and starting to be less frustrated. Which brings me back to my medicine. I was telling my friend yesterday that I wanted to only complete the one month of the medicine the doctors prescribed and then be off of them. I explained that if I were feeling more like myself I wanted it to be because I was myself not because of medicine.
Then this morning I thought about how naive that was. Everyone who knows me is aware that I am pretty much against mind altering anything. I cannot for the life of me understand the allure of drugs and being wasted. However this is different.
I've heard an addict tell me that they don't want a pill to change who they were, although who they were ended up killing them. I've met family members of people with bipolar disorder who have decided against their meds and are now losing people because of their moods. Countless addicts refuse treatment or counseling every year because "it doesn't work," refusing to see that what they're doing is what really isn't working.
We don't know what my brain injuries will result in, and I can try to see what it's like with out my medicine. But say that I am not who I was before the accident, say that my injuries result in something long term [which is not predicted], I don't want to be too stubborn for help.
I want to be an example that it's okay to not be okay all the time. Because its refusing mental health issues that hurts the most people around us, including ourselves. So while I will pray that I get back to the old me without these meds, I will not be too proud to seek help if it just doesn't happen.
