Somewhere between the noise, bouncing from every surface surrounding our already distracted thoughts, and the numerous inquiries into our seemingly simple existence we lose ourselves. Not to anyone or anything in particular - more to the whole of it. The whole of life and the complexities that consume our once childish ideas of what life is supposed to be once you're an adult. We weren't aware, in our simple observations and wide eyed fascination, that we'd get so caught up in what being "grown up" meant, that our eyes would soon become heavy with stress and our analysis of where we ought to be so fuzzied by those around us that we would lose sight of those simple pleasures. The simple things that took hold of us frantically the closer we got to breaking free of the chains of childhood. Little did we know all that childhood had to offer - all the wonderful meaningless lessons that were really the glue that held our universe together. Those lessons taught me about love and how to be a friend - those little monumental lessons - about life and the things that really matter. Yet, sitting here tonight I am perplexed by how quickly it slips through our fingers. How distant those feelings get, lost in the noise, in the chaos that is our lives, how lost those monumental lessons get in the tiny blows to our egos. Jaded.
There is a period of time, in life, when we simply become jaded. You no longer feel like dropping everything for the somebody who does nothing. You no longer believe in love at first sight or happily ever after. The notion that we can be anything we want to be slips and fades when the going gets rough. After the umteenth rejection email based on your lack of experience or your failure to get a more specific degree. Yet - we keep on going. Reignited by a new sense of purpose from somewhere in the back. A time out with the girls, a promising new job lead, a friendly flirt - something that tells us maybe we're not crazy. That maybe hiding in the cracks of crap we totally didn't expect as children was some of the stuff we were promised - or at least the stuff we imagined to be true.
Maybe there are those of us who only just assumed that our parents had gotten adulthood all wrong. Witnessing their mistakes weave in and out of their daily lives was more like avoiding a train wreck . . . on a beach - you'd think it would be easy, but somehow it always showed up. You imagined growing up and stepping off that graduation stage into life would be effortless, seamless even. Into the world you would go - life and love abundant. Stress and pain a distant memory - something inflicted upon you by those not as life savvy. Only to find out you're nothing but a fawn in a sea of elephants trying to work those wobbly legs. With each giant stomp in your direction, losing site of your childish notions and the giddy hope that once filled your heart. Weaving in and out of your own mistakes - avoiding them like . . . wait . . . you've been here before. Thankfully. Because you have something they never did, you have the warning labels and the articles. You have the resources to come back from where ever it is you never wanted to go. You weeble and you wobble but you don't fall down.
One day, you stand. Sure footed and on top. An elephant among fawns. Hopefully, not so jaded. Hopefully, you found hope. Hopefully you found that life as an adult is nothing as quiet and cushy as once dreamed up when you were a wee ten year old. Just as most things were. In fact, the truth about nearly everything in the world was nearly always in stark contrast to the outlandish notions once set fourth by our imaginations. Although we had the upper hand on the simple rights and wrongs - we as children very rarely got the complexities of what it means to be an adult. To pay bills, go to work, make time for friends, keep up a healthy relationship, and the list goes on - so why we become jaded is really the better question. Of course growing up is hard - why wouldn't it be? Lost in the noise of our seemingly simple existence is the glaring fact that while it may be a simple notion - it takes work. Once we've accomplished one feat it is time to tackle yet another. Just as when we were children climbing the next biggest tree, we are now adults pushing ourselves to be who we know we can be - and that takes work.
You're an adult now - not a child. You have gotten what you always dreamed of :)
Author's note: I wrote the first half 7/14/12 and the second half 7/17/14. Perspective with age, I suppose.
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